It’s that time of the year when horror fans are revisiting some of their favorite seasonal scares, with movies like Black Christmas, Silent Night, Deadly Night, and Krampus deservedly earning plenty of love. After enjoying those experiences, fans might start digging a little deeper to uncover Christmas Evil, Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale, or Better Watch Out. One Christmas horror movie that doesn’t earn enough praise, due largely to how absolutely bonkers it is, is the 1989 movie Elves. One major reason it’s descended into obscurity is that, after earning a limited theatrical release in 1989, it landed on VHS in 1994, though never made its way to DVD, Blu-ray, or streaming. In fact, the only current way to watch the movie would be to track down a VHS copy or watch one of the many illegal bootlegs that have been uploaded to the internet.
Based solely on the title and knowing that it’s Christmas horror, one might assume that the picture explores the concept of Santa’s helpers potentially being sinister. This isn’t all that far from the truth, but what the movie is actually about is even more absurd.
What Is ‘Elves’ About?
When Kirsten (Julie Austin) performs what she thinks is a harmless ritual with her friends about being anti-Christmas, she accidentally cuts herself, with her blood awakening a pint-sized creature from the ground. This elf stalks Kirsten and her friends, arbitrarily killing off people in its way. Harmless enough so far, right? Well, the further into the story we get, the more nuts the story gets. As Kirsten tries to tell her family about this elf, her grandfather reveals that elves were a real, ancient race and that, earlier in his life, he helped the Nazis on their quest to successfully crossbreed elves with humans. As part of that quest, he hoped to keep the Aryan bloodline pure, which he did by impregnating his own daughter, Kirsten’s mother. Yes, Kirsten’s grandfather is also her father and a group of Nazis have been tracking her down to get her to mate with the elf.
Elves isn’t ludicrous just in concept, as it is unhinged in its execution as well. One reason is that, this being a low-budget affair, the creature effects … leave something to be desired. The “makeup” used for the elf is essentially a Halloween mask, as its face is frozen in a single expression. Scenes featuring the elf attempting to convey any expressions result in the creature just bobbing its head around.
Another interesting detail is that the movie also stars Dan Haggerty as a former cop who lost his job due to his alcoholism. He lives at the mall where he works as a Santa, which is also where Kirsten works. Haggerty, most known for playing the titular character in The Life and Times of Grizzly Adams, looks as though he’s wearing his own clothes in every scene and is rarely not smoking a cigarette. He’s the one who tries to track down what is happening in the movie, which includes multiple confrontations with colorful supporting characters, all of which have to talk about Nazis mating with elves like it’s a normal thing to talk about.
Where Can You Watch ‘Elves’?
Elves is one of many films that never made the jump from the analog world to the digital age, so while other Christmas horror like Don’t Open ’till Christmas or Christmas Evil have gotten upgrades and earned newfound appreciation, Elves isn’t currently available to rent or buy on digital platforms. As of this writing, the movie’s only home video release was on VHS, so you’ll have to find a VHS-quality rip on YouTube, though copies of the VHS are available to purchase on eBay, which usually go for $70+.
Not all hope is lost, necessarily, as Elves fans were given a release of the film’s official soundtrack through Terror Vision, giving a glimmer of hope that an official release could happen at some point. No matter how many movies over the years have tried to juxtapose the joy of the holidays with disturbing tales of terror, none of them hold a candle to the outlandishness of Elves.
