Since the Christmas comedy feat known as A Christmas Story debuted in 1983, millions of viewers have embraced the tale of Ralphie (Peter Billingsley) and his resilient quest to get a Red Ryder Carbine-action 200-shot Ranger Model Air Rifle for Christmas. In the days leading up to Santa (or his parents) making a stop at his family home, he drops endless hints about his gift request, only to be met with resistance from his mother, teacher, and even his Christmas hero. Additionally, the antics of his friends and the neighborhood bully help round out the film, all in all, making for a must-watch holiday tradition for fans.
Now over the course of an hour and 34 minutes, there is no shortage of memorable lines uttered by A Christmas Story‘s characters. From Ralphie’s endless requests to his father’s cantankerous antics to the one-offs from others in the bunch, there are several quotes that come to mind that can easily be classified as the best. Below you’ll find a ranking of the top ten quotes from A Christmas Story. So, what will top the list?
10
“Over the years, I got to be quite the connoisseur of soap.” – Ralphie
Millennials and those who identify as Gen-Z may have never been threatened with having their mouths washed out with soap for using foul language, but during Ralphie’s childhood, kids using profanities earned them a mouthful of bubbles. In A Christmas Story, after Ralphie drops the infamous “F-bomb” following his mistake helping his dad (Darren McGavin) change a tire, his mother (Melinda Dillon) decides to teach him a lesson by making him suck on a bar of red Lifebuoy soap.
It’s during Ralphie’s time slurping on suds that his inner voice (voiced by Jean Shepherd) says, “Over the years, I got to be quite a connoisseur of soap. My personal preference was for Lux, but I found Palmolive had a nice, piquant after-dinner flavor. Heady, but with just a touch of mellow smoothness.”
In the moments that follow, Ralphie’s mom asks him where he learned such coarse language. Although internally, Ralphie suggests he learned from his father, he ultimately throws his best friend Schwartz (R.D. Robb) under the bus. After Ralphie’s mom makes a call to Schwartz’s mother, Schwartz finds himself in hot water, and he is actually innocent.
9
“My father wove a tapestry of obscenity…” – Ralphie
Again, when Ralphie’s mom interrogates him about where he learned foul language, internally, he points the finger at his father. Well, fans get a firsthand look at Ralphie’s crash course in profanity in a scene where the family’s furnace starts having issues. When The Old Man is in the kitchen with his family and hears it making an unusual noise, he stomps downstairs to determine the problem. As he tinkers with it, he starts yelling a series of obscenities that his family overhears and leaves them speechless. Ralphie’s internal voice then states, “In the heat of battle, my father wove a tapestry of obscenity, that as far as we know, is still hanging in space over Lake Michigan.”
What makes this scene even more amusing is the fact that the incident comes scenes later, after Ralphie was just punished for his use of expletives. It’s a wonder Ralphie’s mom didn’t make the connection of learned behavior between her husband and child.
8
“Mommy’s little piggy.” – Mrs. Parker (Ralphie’s Mom)
Although a bulk of the movie focuses on the oldest Parker son, Ralphie, Randy (Ian Petrella) also shines in some moments as the bratty younger brother. In one moment, the whole family is sitting down to eat dinner, and he refuses to partake. Despite his mother imploring him to eat his food, he refuses. That’s when she gets the brilliant idea to entice him to eat by saying, “This is your trough. Show me how the piggies eat. Be a good boy. Show mommy how the piggies eat.”
Randy takes the bait and dives face-first into the mashed potatoes and meatloaf on his plate. As his father looks on in disgust, his mother laughs and says, “Mommy’s little piggy.” Randy’s take on pig is interrupted when the infamous leg lamp package arrives. On a side note, not sure how much of that food went into Randy’s mouth opposed to just being spread across his face.
7
“I shot my eye out.” – Ralphie
Again, throughout A Christmas Story, Ralphie is told that his most desired Christmas gift is too dangerous for him. Specifically, his playing with a BB gun will result in him shooting out his eye. Ralphie doesn’t see the danger in the BB gun and highly doubts that he’d actually hurt himself. So imagine his surprise when, after receiving it as a last-minute gift from his father, he goes outside, shoots the BB gun, and the pellet ricochets and hits him just under the eye.
Ralphie is immediately stunned and states, “I shot my eye out.” However, as he calms down, he realizes that’s not the case, but can’t find his glasses. He assumes they must be damaged by the BB gun, but as he searches the snow for them, he winds up stepping on them. That leads him to fake some waterworks in an effort to distract his parents from the story of what really happened and hearing the age-old “I told you so” from his mother.
6
“Oh fudge.” – Ralphie
Much has been discussed about Ralphie being punished with soap in his mouth. Well, now it’s time to discuss what he said to earn his punishment. After the entire Parker family picked up a Christmas tree, they were driving home when they got a flat tire. They pulled over to the side of the road, and the father got out to fix it. Ralphie soon joined him and was asked to hold the bolts. Unfortunately, The Old Man bumps Ralphie in the process of changing the tire, and the bolts fly into the street. That’s when Ralphie blurts out, “Oh fudge.”
Although Ralphie says “fudge,” the Ralphie voiceover makes it abundantly clear that’s not the f-word that was dropped. In fact, the Ralphie voiceover follows up with, “Only I didn’t say ‘Fudge.’ I said the word, the big one, the queen-mother of dirty words, the ‘F-dash-dash-dash’ word!” Once his father confirms what his son said, he sends Ralphie to the car. Funny enough, there are countless people to this day who will yell out “oh fudge” to keep from dropping the four-letter alternative.
5
“I can’t put my arms down.” – Randy
A Christmas Story is set in the Midwest during the wintertime, so it’s understandable that Mrs. Parker would want to ensure that her children are bundled up as much as possible when going out into the cold weather. She pays special attention to Randy, and in one scene, she helps him get ready for school by covering him up from head to toe, with only his eyes exposed. He inaudibly starts whining, and as his mother unravels the scarf from around his head to hear an audible version of his complaint, Randy cries, “I can’t put my arms down.”
The mom attempts to put his arms down a few times, without success. With the school bus approaching, and Ralphie standing by watching and rushing the pair, Mrs. Parker tells Randy, “Well, put your arms down when you get to school.” She then wraps the scarf back around Randy’s head and sends him out the front door with Ralphie.
4
“He looks like a deranged Easter Bunny.” – Mr. Parker/ The Old Man (Ralphie’s Dad)
Picture it, it’s Christmas morning, and Ralphie and Randy run down the stairs excited to open their gifts. Ralphie frantically looks for his BB gun, but is interrupted by the emergence of his parents. His mom, in particular, tells him to open a gift from his Aunt Clara. He opens the present and quickly becomes disappointed to discover a pink bunny costume. Ralphie’s mother urges him to go upstairs and try it on, but he’s not keen to do so. However, his mother strongly insists.
After he changes into the costume, Ralphie begrudgingly reappears in front of his family. Mrs. Parker instantly starts fawning over her son, claiming how cute he looks, while Randy hysterically begins laughing. The Old Man chimes in with, “He looks like a deranged Easter Bunny.” When his wife tries to refute the claim, he counters, “He does too, he looks like a pink nightmare!” To The Old Man’s point, he wasn’t wrong.
3
“You’ll shoot your eye out.” – Mrs. Parker, Miss Shields, and Mall Santa
Given this is a phrase that’s uttered by multiple characters in A Christmas Story, one might assume this would be the most iconic line from the film. While it’s certainly uttered the most, there are arguably two more quotes that have made bigger splashes culturally. Now the infamous phrase, “You’ll shoot your eye out,” is first uttered by Ralphie’s mom as her response to Ralphie’s first request for a BB gun.
The second time the phrase is brought up is technically at the bottom of Ralphie’s homework assignment about what he wants for Christmas. His teacher, Miss Shields (Tedde Moore), returns his essay with a C+ circled on top, and the phrase, “You’ll shoot your eye out.” Ralphie is so flabbergasted by the written words that he immediately starts to imagine his mother and teacher verbally taunting him with the phrase.
Arguably the biggest kick in the gut for Ralphie in his hot pursuit of a BB gun for Christmas comes when he meets with the Mall Santa (Jeff Gillen). After Ralphie stumbles over his words to the point that he shares with Santa that he wants a football for Christmas, he quickly realizes his error and blurts out his real heart’s desire. Sadly, Sant’a’s response is, “You’ll shoot your eye out, kid.” A defeated Ralphie is then sent on his not-so-merry way.
2
“I triple dog dare ya.” – Schwartz
For many fans of A Christmas Story, the art of the playground dare is perfectly exemplified in one of the most iconic scenes ever in Christmas movie history. While outside during recess, in the cold winter air, Ralphie and his classmates gather around a flagpole, discussing whether or not a person’s tongue will stick to the pole, given the weather. Schwartz argues that one’s tongue will stick, and Flick is in the opposing camp.
Schwartz and Flick go back and forth with Schwartz daring Flick to test his theory and lick the pole. Flick manages to bypass Schwartz’s first dare and even Schwartz’s challenge with a “double dog dare.” However, when Schwartz blurts out, “I triple dog dare ya,” Flick is forced into the impossible position of licking the pole or losing credibility among his classmates, so he sticks out his tongue and does the deed. Unfortunately for Flick, he found out the hard way that Schwartz was right, and it took the fire department to remove him from the pole. But again, Flick’s downfall was a lesson for all to be careful about letting conversations reach a “triple do dare ya” status.
1
“Aaah! Fra-gee-leh. It must be Italian.” – Mr. Parker/ The Old Man (Ralphie’s Dad)
The most recognizable prop of the entire film is, without a doubt, the infamous leg lamp that The Old Man won. When it arrives in a wooden crate, the family has no idea what’s inside. Inspecting the outside of the crate, he sees the word “fragile,” but says aloud, “Aaah! Fra-gee-leh. It must be Italian.” Thankfully for him, his wife is right there to correct him and pronounce the word the proper way.
Although a brief moment, the patriarch’s mispronunciation provides a barrel of laughs for fans. It’s a line that’s instantly recognizable as a quote originating from A Christmas Story, and one that can be traced to the very scene mentioned. Additionally, the quote’s legendary status is further cemented because beats later, The Old Man opens the crate to find the risque leg lamp that he sets up in the bay window of the living room for the neighborhood to see, much to his wife’s chagrin. Oh, and in case you were wondering, fragile in Italian is written out as “fragile.”
A Christmas Story
- Release Date
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November 18, 1983
- Runtime
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94 minutes
- Director
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Bob Clark
- Writers
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Jean Shepherd, Bob Clark, Leigh Brown
